letting go and holding tight: a fight for control

A Leap of Faith

A few weeks ago, I was asked to write a letter to my cousin as she prepared for her confirmation. The letter was to explain how my faith impacted my life. When I sat down to write that letter, the words simply wouldn’t flow onto the page. I made a list of times when my faith was important, but for some reason, I could not put into words what my faith in Jesus Christ meant to me. As someone who loves to write, this frustrated me. I tried to blame it on the 24-hour nausea I was experiencing in the first trimester of pregnancy. I now realize that I couldn’t write that letter because I didn’t quite understand what my faith meant to me. I think I do now. It means taking risks for the Lord despite fear, anxiety, and what seems like rational thinking.

For the last two years, by husband and I have spent each spring debating whether or not I should continue teaching. Last spring, we both agreed we felt that the Lord was leading me to resign from my position as a high school English teacher. We prayed and looked to scripture (always hearing the same thing), but we debated for too long, and it came to the point that we decided to give it another year, despite something inside us saying we needed to make a change.

Around Christmas, we re-opened the conversation, which had never really been closed. We prayed and again looked to scripture. We asked close family members and friends for prayer as well. In every daily devotional sent to our emails or found in the books we read, in every song we heard on Air1, in every message at church, in every scripture reading during our individual quiet times, we heard the same thing, “It’s time to let go and give it all to Me.” Looking back at the process, God repeatedly spoke to us individually and together, urging us to stop simply saying, “God will provide if we follow his will,” and take the leap.

His final push was at the Kansas Spring FCA Conference. Three other adults and myself took a small group of kids to Rock Springs at the end of March. I had told myself that I wanted to focus on the kids and how to be a better FCA leader and try not to focus on my decision. God had other plans. He did show me how to be a better leader – lead by example, take a risk for him and share it with others. Everything that happened that weekend confirmed that God has something else in store for me, but before he shows me, I must show him my faith. Over the last couple of months, I’ve felt that same message, and I’ve begged God for a little sneak peak of what he has in store, even trying to create a plan on my own. However, he continues to say, “Jump first, I’ll catch you.”

When I started this blog, I considered it a jump. Putting my writing online and then actually telling people about it seemed like a big jump for me.  That was more like a little hop over a mud puddle compared to what I did today. I really jumped today; it feels like off-a-cliff kind of jump or maybe out of a plane. Today, I turned in my letter of resignation. I don’t know what will happen next, but there is not a doubt in my mind or heart that God will be there. He will catch me, he will throw me into new situations, he will lead me, and I am ready to follow. I may randomly take a few blog posts to explain more about how God made this all clear. I’m continuing to read Ezekiel as God has used that scripture to speak to me. (Remember how Ezekiel was told to eat the scroll and he did it? It seemed a little crazy. Quitting my job without a back up plans seems kind of crazy, too, but it’s what God is asking me to do. Like Ezekiel, I will obey.) Today’s post begins a whole new journey for my family and me; I hope that you’ll join me as I continue to write about this crazy new adventure.

1 thought on “A Leap of Faith”

  1. Way to go Kelsey! I’m behind you all the way. I admire your trust in His plan, but sad to see our HS loose such a wonderful teacher. Prayers being sent your way!

    Like

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