It was one of those mornings. I thought we had plenty of time to make it to soccer, but the clock moved more quickly than expected. (As if 60 seconds actually clicks off the clock slower or faster depending on my situation. If only I had that kind of power…) Anyway, crazy mom came out. The one that yells at her five year old to get out of the bath tub NOW! The one that blames her kids for running late when, really, she made choices that set them back. The one that demands instead of asks, holds a grudge instead of forgives, lashes out instead of loves. Yeah – that ungodly mom who sets an example of exactly what not to do under pressure. To top it all off, I forgot my phone, and when I got to the gas station where I was supposed to meet my husband, he wasn’t there. Long story short – we found him, and he greeted me with a super sized cup of coffee. Driving to the game, I sipped that coffee wondering why on earth he got me the largest size possible and tuned into a Christian radio station trying to focus on moving forward and pushing crazy mom away. In the 20 minute drive, I heard at least two songs about forgiveness and grace. When I looked down at the super sized coffee in my hand, I was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude for the super sized grace from my super sized God.
If I’m honest, there are many days when I don’t really think about the grace God has shown me. I go through life grateful to have a personal relationship with him, doing my best to love others, and getting stuff done. My need for a savior and God’s grace gets overlooked. Then I have a crazy mom moment, and I’m reminded that “there is no one righteous, not even one,” not even me (Romans 3:10). You see, no matter how good I think I’m doing, I am a sinful being. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Sure, I haven’t killed anyone, haven’t cheated on my taxes or my husband, haven’t stolen anything, but that doesn’t leave me sinless. Instead it leaves me with a false sense of pride in my accomplishments and a skewed reality that tells me I’m doing alright. In the first chapters of Romans, Paul spends some time convincing us that despite our best efforts and outward appearance, we sin. Bottom line, no exceptions. “They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them” (Romans 1: 29-32). Notice that the sins of greed, envy, deceit, gossip, arrogance, and even disobedience to parents are all listed right along side of murder. I’m so busy crossing off the sins I haven’t committed from the list, that I fail to see all those that I have. And when I fail to see my sin, I fail to see my Savior.
In those moments when I recognize and really feel my sin (post crazy mom moments), I also feel the grace of God. We all sin – bottom line. But that’s not the end of the story. Even though, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23), we “are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” (Romans 3:24). Our story doesn’t end with sin, it doesn’t end with failure, it doesn’t end with a balance sheet showing sin outweighing righteousness. In fact, our story never ends. When we accept God’s grace and gift of his Son as our Savior, we are granted an eternity praising our Redeemer. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23).
Lord, please help me to see my sin. So often, I want to avoid it, push it aside, not think about it. But, Lord, I want to see my sin so that I can see my Savior. I want to feel the grace you offer. I’m sorry for my sins and for being blind to them. Please forgive me. Please help me to live my life as a redeemed daughter, showing grace to others. Thank you for loving me. Help me to love you more every day.